As I’m sitting here in Starbucks planning my 364 days ahead of me, I begin my year with a contented heart. Content because I celebrated God’s gift of salvation through the birth of my Savior Jesus just last month, and that He has given me another year to live a life of purpose. Content because my gracious mom and dad are taking care of my lovable sons, so that my husband and I can set our goals individually and as a family for the year. And lastly, content because I do have a husband who is a visionary and encourages me to take time do this planning with him.
Every year I've always set goals in my life. It's helped me to keep focused on what I need to accomplish for that year, be more organized, and it is really rewarding to achieve those goals. My goals have definitely evolved along with the stages and seasons of my life. When I got married it was no longer just my individual goals, but our goal as a couple. And now that we have children, we have our family goals and our sons individual development goals.
Partnering with my husband in goal setting for our family does bring emotional intimacy knowing that we are united in achievement and supporting each other to do so. Additionally, when we share our individual goals with one another we can better understand the motives of each other for the year and be more intentional in how we can encourage one other. As for our children, I've started setting goals when my eldest son was just two years old and my youngest one years old. There are always areas where we can all improve every year, and it is no different for our children as they meet their yearly milestones. This is not limited to the intellect or abilities, but most importantly their character that will shape their decisions when they become adults.
In 2012, my husband signed us up for "Date with Destiny", which is a seminar held by Anthony Robbins. It was definitely life changing and a paradigm shift to how I set my goals. One of the many things that I've realized from Robbins is that I need to change some of the beliefs that have kept me from reaching my goals and my ultimate destiny. There is so much to expound on that, but I'll reserve that in more detail for another post. However, I bring this up because it is now an important practice for me to think about any false beliefs that keep me from achieving my goals and replace it with a new belief along with constructive action that only draw me closer to my ultimate destiny.
It's not what's happening to you now or what has happened in your past that determines who you become. Rather, it's your decisions about what to focus on, what things mean to you, and what you're going to do about them that will determine your ultimate destiny.
-Anthony Robbins
I encourage you to watch this short video of Anthony Robbins to help jump start your new years resolution.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dg283l_u4Oo
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Friday, May 31, 2013
Freedom = Responsibility = Consequences = Love
You're probably wondering what the title for this blog post means. Let me begin by sharing one of my many stories of an interaction that I'd like a "do over" with my son Isaiah. And let me preface by saying that he is a good kid when he doesn't have those "what I like to call moments". I'm continuing to potty train my son and it has been, to say the least, an exhausting experience for both of us. I won't share the nitty gritty of this potty training ( let's just say he can go #1, but #2 is what we're working on), but there was a day when I told him firmly and, yes, angrily to go to the bathroom to potty since it was seriously an issue of him not voluntarily doing it that day. He listened and walked to the bathroom whining, and then eventually sitting on the toilet yelling/crying (tantrums basically). That day, I've had enough and decided that I was going to close the bathroom door so I don't have to listen to him ranting and I can keep composure. I then went back to the room and watched my son Jude work on his puzzles (breathing in and out of course to regain my cool). My husband who happens to work from home that day goes to the bathroom and tells him to stop yelling. And he stopped with just crying the only sounds I'm now hearing from him. My husband then proceeds to tell me that I should not let him yell like that. Peeved that he would think I would allow the yelling and oblivious to what I was dealing with the whole morning that led to that "moment", I also realized that he just responded to what he saw and assumed to be the case. Perception is reality as they say. I wasn't intending to allow my son to respond that way or emotions to get the best of me, but I did that day (and admittedly there have been other days).
Let me now bring this back to the topic of this blog post: BOUNDARIES. That day I felt my boundaries being tested, and I just had to step back for five minutes to regain my composure before I do something I regret (like yelling and disciplining in anger). And Isaiah, like many young children, is still trying to figure it all out acting as a little Napoleon but in reality looking for guidance from me, the parent. I have been and continue to read this book titled Boundaries with Kids and it's been a good resource for me. The story that I shared is the present situation, but the author reminds us to think about the "end result" when they become adults. What kind of character do we want our children to have? Children aren't born with boundaries. We are seen as guardians, managers, and a source for our children and need to not only teach them through dialoging/communication, but also being an example of what that looks like. It begins with knowing my own healthy boundaries. All these things easily said and done for some people, but for me prayer accompanies these efforts I make to helping my sons have healthy boundaries. And, of course, working with my husband to accomplish this. Many times I've felt so discouraged, but I'm reminded that God's mercies are new every morning and to persevere in working towards the "end result". I know that God doesn't want us to remain in our guilt for whatever we feel our failures to be with our children, but rather he wants us to come to Him in our weakness and be empowered that we are not alone in this journey of parenting.
Now getting back to the title of this blog post : Freedom = Responsibility = Consequences = Love. Below is a quote directly from the book explaining this basic theological truth as the author calls it.
To the extent that all these are equal (Freedom, Responsibility, Consequences, Love), we (parents) are doing well. If our child is free to choose and held responsible for the consequences of his actions, we will develop a loving person who is doing the right thing for the right reasons. If any one of these is out of balance-for example, more freedom granted than someone is held responsible for- then character problems grow. Or if someone is responsible but is not free to choose, she is a slave and a robot, and she will not choose lovingly, but only out of compliance and resentment. Or if someone is free and responsible for something but does not suffer consequences of his misusing his freedom, then he develops character problems and ends up doing very irresponsible and unloving things. A child has small amounts of freedom, choices in that freedom, and consequences in those choices, and develops love as a result. And it is no different for an adult. Give freedom, require responsibility, render consequences, and be loving throughout.
We do reap what we sow, so how do we help our children become mature adults who take responsibility for their life, desires, and problems? The author states that we set boundaries through the aspects of life they need to take responsibility for: their emotions, attitudes and behavior. And that "children need to understand that being unable differs from being uncomfortable". We need to teach them by words and modeling what we are responsible for and what we need the help of others on. And as parents, we need to distinguish loving them and rescuing them. Loving our children will sometimes mean letting them experience the consequences (unless it's posing danger, of course) . My tendency is to rescue my sons constantly so this is a hard one for me. Again I go back to prayer for areas I need help with in raising my sons. At the end of every discipline, I talk to my boys about the reason for the consequences of their behavior (I ask them and if they don't know then I tell them), affirm my love for them by words and a kiss/hug, and I remind them of God's promise that their obedience to me and their daddy will only go well for them in their life.
Children, do what your parents tell you. This is only right. “Honor your father and mother” is the first commandment that has a promise attached to it, namely, “so you will live well and have a long life.”
Ephesians 6:1 (MSG)
Let me now bring this back to the topic of this blog post: BOUNDARIES. That day I felt my boundaries being tested, and I just had to step back for five minutes to regain my composure before I do something I regret (like yelling and disciplining in anger). And Isaiah, like many young children, is still trying to figure it all out acting as a little Napoleon but in reality looking for guidance from me, the parent. I have been and continue to read this book titled Boundaries with Kids and it's been a good resource for me. The story that I shared is the present situation, but the author reminds us to think about the "end result" when they become adults. What kind of character do we want our children to have? Children aren't born with boundaries. We are seen as guardians, managers, and a source for our children and need to not only teach them through dialoging/communication, but also being an example of what that looks like. It begins with knowing my own healthy boundaries. All these things easily said and done for some people, but for me prayer accompanies these efforts I make to helping my sons have healthy boundaries. And, of course, working with my husband to accomplish this. Many times I've felt so discouraged, but I'm reminded that God's mercies are new every morning and to persevere in working towards the "end result". I know that God doesn't want us to remain in our guilt for whatever we feel our failures to be with our children, but rather he wants us to come to Him in our weakness and be empowered that we are not alone in this journey of parenting.
Now getting back to the title of this blog post : Freedom = Responsibility = Consequences = Love. Below is a quote directly from the book explaining this basic theological truth as the author calls it.
To the extent that all these are equal (Freedom, Responsibility, Consequences, Love), we (parents) are doing well. If our child is free to choose and held responsible for the consequences of his actions, we will develop a loving person who is doing the right thing for the right reasons. If any one of these is out of balance-for example, more freedom granted than someone is held responsible for- then character problems grow. Or if someone is responsible but is not free to choose, she is a slave and a robot, and she will not choose lovingly, but only out of compliance and resentment. Or if someone is free and responsible for something but does not suffer consequences of his misusing his freedom, then he develops character problems and ends up doing very irresponsible and unloving things. A child has small amounts of freedom, choices in that freedom, and consequences in those choices, and develops love as a result. And it is no different for an adult. Give freedom, require responsibility, render consequences, and be loving throughout.
We do reap what we sow, so how do we help our children become mature adults who take responsibility for their life, desires, and problems? The author states that we set boundaries through the aspects of life they need to take responsibility for: their emotions, attitudes and behavior. And that "children need to understand that being unable differs from being uncomfortable". We need to teach them by words and modeling what we are responsible for and what we need the help of others on. And as parents, we need to distinguish loving them and rescuing them. Loving our children will sometimes mean letting them experience the consequences (unless it's posing danger, of course) . My tendency is to rescue my sons constantly so this is a hard one for me. Again I go back to prayer for areas I need help with in raising my sons. At the end of every discipline, I talk to my boys about the reason for the consequences of their behavior (I ask them and if they don't know then I tell them), affirm my love for them by words and a kiss/hug, and I remind them of God's promise that their obedience to me and their daddy will only go well for them in their life.
Children, do what your parents tell you. This is only right. “Honor your father and mother” is the first commandment that has a promise attached to it, namely, “so you will live well and have a long life.”
Ephesians 6:1 (MSG)
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Children Learn as they Play
A close friend of mine recently asked me to blog about what activities I do with my boys. So, it got me thinking about what has guided me in planning out activities for my boys daily. For my eldest son Isaiah, I tried to follow every book and advice that I read about how to engage with your child to help stimulate them and meet every milestone there is for that exact age. One advice that I saw really stick as he's gotten older (mind you, he's only lived four years of his life thus far, but I still believe this to be true) is his love for reading. I literally started reading to him while he was still in my womb. I was more lax with my youngest son Jude. Perhaps it was this feeling that Isaiah lived through his first year and turned out fine, so I don't have to do it exactly by the book. :) Jude loves sports, basketball in particular. A good friend of ours gave him a basketball hoop for his first birthday and he has not stopped making those slam dunks ever since. :) Naturally, both my boys have different interests, personalities, and capabilities based on their age and developmental abilities. And being a stay-at- home mom, I've had to factor those things to figure out activities that they enjoy, can learn from, and help to meet their age appropriate milestones. Although, I'd also recommend exposing them to things that they may not seem to have interest in because that might just change for them and they can always grow from that experience. Their activities have varied depending on the season too, so I'll share a few things that I'm doing with each of them this summer. And I'll continue to share the activities I'm doing with my boys, so keep posted. I've also relied on different types of resources like Pinterest, family/childrens magazines, moms group at church, and other mom bloggers for ideas. Here are some links that can help you begin your fun day of exploration and learning with your little one.
Developmental Activities by Age
Age Appropriate Activities from Ages 0-4 years old
DIY Montessori Activities
Physical Activity by Age
Developmental Milestones by Age
Some of the Summer Activities for My Boys
"Play is the highest form of research." -Albert Einstein
"We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” - George Bernard Shaw
Developmental Activities by Age
Age Appropriate Activities from Ages 0-4 years old
DIY Montessori Activities
Physical Activity by Age
Developmental Milestones by Age
Some of the Summer Activities for My Boys
- The library is a hot spot all year long for us since we borrow different books every week or two, participate in their reading program and play with toys in the children's section. And depending on the library there are free activities offered throughout the year for children (i.e. puppet shows, magic shows, etc.).
- We're blessed to live fairly close to the beach to cool off during the hot summer days and to play in the sand. Both my boys love the sand and can play with it all day long (I have yet to meet a child who doesn't like it)! Some benefits to your little ones playing in the sand: sensory play to develop their sense of touch through the texture of the sand, creative and imaginative play in trying to build something using sand toys or simply abstractly with water, develops fine motor skills (e.g. eye hand coordination, etc.), and it seems to be so relaxing for them that it will keep them in place for awhile. Other places to go to would be the sandbox at the park or consider purchasing an outdoor sandbox for your backyard or create an indoor sandbox with either real sand or a homemade "moon sand".
- Water play is also popular with my boys who are quite the water babies. There so many forms of it too, so it always makes it exciting for them. Some suggestions would be to purchase a water table to float boats and watch things sink to the bottom (put a sudsy spin on it by adding soapy slime), have a bucket filled with water and a paint brush to wet "paint" the sidewalk or concrete ground outside, make homemade bubbles and bubble wands, fill the kiddie pool with water and sea animal squirt toys, and make dish soap foam where they can clean windows or their toys all in the name of fun.
- Playdough is another favorite of theirs. My youngest, Jude, tends to still put it in his mouth so homemade playdough is what we use at our home. We do a lot of creative play with the playdough particularly with my son Isaiah who likes to pretend play with the boats, mermaids, and octopus we molded into action figures or molded into food for the pretend meal we're trying to make. Also another fun way to learn alphabets is by molding the playdough into letters. Check out the other 39 ideas you can play with it.
"Play is the highest form of research." -Albert Einstein
"We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” - George Bernard Shaw
Friday, May 17, 2013
Many Hands Make Light Work
As a mom of two impressionable young boys (2 and 4), I'm always reading, thinking, asking and doing things that will not only help to develop their character, but also train them for what's to come in their life...adulthood. So, I started thinking about how they can start to help around our house (for the benefit of the family of course ;) ), and understand responsibility and contribution. After all, many hands make light work. I had to think of what was age appropriate and how to visually make it appealing so that they were able to see their chores and accomplishment (similar to when we happily check mark the completed tasks on our to do list). And am I suppose to reward them or is this just for them to know that they also make a difference in the function in our home? I think there are mixed reviews on that, so I'm going to apply a little of both principles. I have to be thankful that my boys love to help their mommy and daddy so that's already in our favor to implement this chore chart. One of the other benefits of doing this now while they are young is that it is just something that they do and will hopefully not be an issue by the time they are teenagers. It's all about making it fun for them too. Here are some cool ideas that I gathered from some very creative moms. I'll have to post what I come up with later.
Jobs for Kids by Age
Age Appropriate Chores for Kids
This is how I contribute to my family Chore Chart
Kids Chore Chart Free Printable
Ready Made Chore Chart by Melissa & Doug
Simple Mission Chart
Pretty Chore Chart
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